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HEALTHY VS. UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS

In a healthy relationship, you:

  • Treat each other with respect
  • Feel secure and comfortable
  • Are not violent with each other
  • Can resolve conflicts satisfactorily
  • Enjoy the time you spend together
  • Support one another
  • Take interest in one another's lives: health, family, work, etc.
  • Have privacy in the relationship
  • Can trust each other
  • Are each sexual by choice
  • Communicate clearly and openly
  • Have letters, phone calls, and e-mail that are your own
  • Make healthy decisions about alcohol or other drugs
  • Encourage other friendships
  • Are honest about your past and present sexual activity if the relationship is intimate
  • Know that most people in your life are happy about the relationship
  • Have more good times in the relationship than bad

In an unhealthy relationship, one or both of you:

  • Try to control or manipulate the other
  • Make the other feel bad about her-/himself
  • Ridicule or call names
  • Dictate how the other dresses
  • Do not make time for each other
  • Criticize the other's friends
  • Are afraid of the other's temper
  • Discourage the other from being close with anyone else
  • Ignore each other when one is speaking
  • Are overly possessive or get jealous about ordinary behavior
  • Criticize or support others in criticizing people with your gender, race, ethnicity, sexual orientation, religion, disability, or other personal attribute
  • Control the other's money or other resources (e.g., car)
  • Harm or threaten to harm children, family, pets, or objects of personal value
  • Push, grab, hit, punch, or throw objects
  • Use physical force or threats to prevent the other from leaving

The hardest thing about beign in a bad relation ship is sometimes people do not know how to end it. If you really come to think about it soon you will realise if love is what you trully have for that individual than letting go would be the best option the only thing that is beign accomplish is pain beign brought for both individuals in the relation ship sometime the best thing to do is let it go. If you are in an abusive relationship for more information on how to get out of a bad situation you can click on the following links and numbers to get more information it will direct you to different websites that might have some helpfull information depending on what your case might be.
  • 24-hour National Domestic Violence Hotlines (7 days a week)
    National Bilingual Hotline: (800) 799-SAFE (-7233)
    (will translate into over 130 languages)
    TTY: (800) 787-3224

  • New York City Gay and Lesbian Anti-Violence Project
    24-hour Bilingual Hotline: (212) 807-0197

  • National Association of Social Workers, Inc. (NASW)
    (provides referrals to social workers and services)
    (202) 408-8600

  • American Psychological Association (APA)
    (offers a practice directory for referrals to psychological services)
    (800) 374-2721 / (202) 336-5500
    TTY: (800) 374-2721 (x6123)

  • YMCA of the U.S.A.
    (800) 872-9622 / (312) 977-0031

  • YWCA of the U.S.A.
    (800) YWCA-US1 (992-2871) / (212) 273-7800e following numbers.
  • How are you Being Treated?
    • Does your partner call you names, embarrass you or make you feel stupid?
    • Does your partner question your; whereabouts, who you talk to, why you want to be with friends or family?
    • Does your partner ask if or check your pager to see if other people call you?
    • Are you afraid or scarred of your partner? Do they make excuses for mistreating you?
    • Is the person you're dating really nice sometimes and really mean at other times?
    • When there are fights does your partner blame you, say you provoked them, claim you know about their short temper, or they have anger problems and they couldn't help it?
    • Do they tell you that you are "making too big a deal" out of things or dismiss you when you try to talk about things?
    • Do you feel pushed or forced into having sex?
    • Does this person make promises to change and apologizes and after a time repeats their behavior?
    If you answered "Yes" to some of the above questions you may be in an abusive relationship.

     

    How are you Treating Your Partner?

    • Do you feel jealous often? Are you jealous of other people in you partner's life? Do you want them to only be with you?
    • Do you constantly question them about whereabouts, phone calls, conversations? Do you feel you have the right to tell your partner what to do, who to talk to, where to go, what to wear?
    • Do you give your partner ultimatums? Do you make them chose between you and other things in their life?
    • Do you take your anger out on things in front of your partner? For instance have you broken things, punched things, thrown things, when you're angry?
    • Have you grabbed, pushed, slapped, or hit your partner when you're angry?
    • Do you blame others for your problems or your feelings?
    • If you hurt your partner do you blame them? Do you make excuses for your reactions, especially if they hurt others?
    • Do you believe men should be in control? Do you believe women are inferior to men? Do you believe a woman is a man's property?
    If you answered "Yes" to some of the questions above you may be abusing your partner.
    many people make the mistake of thinking that the small things dont count and honestlly some do and others dont but a personal word of advice dont hurt him if you dont have to bc it will haunt you in the end and if it is not working than just let it go and dont hold on to someting that neither of you are feeling in any way shape or foorm



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